Thursday, November 11, 2010

A Bit of Humor from my Dear Graybeard! HA HA HA!


The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.  The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.  "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota .  "The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.  He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.  When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrol officer said.  "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water.  They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.  Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border.  Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs.  After catching half-dozen young vegetarians in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s.  "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies.

"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said.  "How many art-history majors does one country need?"   


Anonymous said...

Not really funny. Keep laughing and you will some day wake up.

Sandy said...

Oh, it is too --- funny, I mean. I am already awake and know perfectly well the colors of the helicopter Bernie is going to use to drop all those greenbacks from...

Good job, Don!

Dom and Nan said...

Although I rarely address an anonymous post...anywhere, I must waste a few keystrokes on this thread.

"Wake Up"? Yep...I'm wide awake. Just like the voters who sent a loud and clear message to Obama and his ilk last week.

What's REALLY funny are the liberals who are in total denial..... or most likely, too arrogant to listen to the American public.

Ahh, yes- In Nanette's perfect world they would all get the hell out- whether it be Canada or elsewhere. I have no use for the Socialistic value system. See 'ya! Toodles!

Christine said...

Oh boy...This liberal thought it was funny. But I suppose I'd rather find humor in something that's supposed to be funny rather than take everything so seriously.

Graybeard said...

One of 'em snuck across in a hot air balloon!

After he figured he was in Canada, he realized he was lost. He reduced the altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted. "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman replied, "You are in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be a conservative," said the balloonist.

"I am," said the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well", answered the balloonist,
"everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The Canadian woman below responded. "You must be a democrat."

"I am" replied the balloonist, but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "You don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."